DAYS 11-12 – A Fumble, A Recovery.

Dear P90X Diary,

I slipped. Already. Saturday was just one of those days i couldn't motivate myself to do anything. I mean nothing. So i missed my Yoga X workout. (And i actually like that one.) Before i went to bed, though, i had a plan. Yoga in the morning, Legs & Back in the evening, and i'd be good to go. Except for the fact that since i didn't motivate myself to go into work on Saturday either, i ended up having to go in on Sunday night. Which kind of rolled into Monday morning. As in, i'm just getting home from work at 1:00 in the morning. And have to be back at 7:00.

Okay, Plan B.

I started this whole thing on a Wednesday, which means my "rest day" is on Tuesday at the end of my week. (Tuesday is my sabbath and i shalt honor it. Don't mess with me.) So i just carry things forward a bit: Yoga was Sunday morning, Legs & Back will be Monday evening, Kenpo X on Tuesday morning, and X Stretch on Tuesday evening. Easier to double up on the day when you're supposed to be resting, especially if you rested on a day you were supposed to be working.

We'll see how this goes. I think i've said that before. I'm still committed to P90X in 90 days.

Before

Dear P90X Diary,

I don't care how much hard work i have to do during this damn program, what i did today has got to be the hardest part. In order to complete my profile on TeamBeachBody.com, i had to upload the dreaded BEFORE pictures. You know the ones. The guys in the infomercials who always look like they're slouching and deliberately pushing their stomachs out so they'll look that much better in the AFTER pictures. The ones who i never quite believed were as out of shape as they pretended to be.

Now i'm a BEFORE.

I realized when i was taking those pictures, just how much i subconsciously suck in my gut on a regular basis. It took a concentrated effort to relax – not push out, mind you – just relax and take the pictures in my natural state. Then it took everything i had not to use Photoshop to alter he images completely. (Other than cropping, i didn't do anything to them, i swear.) I am more out of shape than i even realized. I almost cried when it was time to upload the pictures. But i did it.

Lest some accuse me of body fascism (again), let me just say that my issues with my body don't have to do with being skinny or fat or even average. I've just come to hate the odd in-between-ness of how i look. So in addition to all the weird aches and pains of getting a bit older, i know i'll feel better about myself if my body's more in balance.

I need to look at these pictures every day and remind myself of why i'm doing this, of how i feel. Let's see how that plays out when i'm lying on the basement floor gasping for air....

It pays to read the directions

Dear P90X Diary,

Today i sat down to really start reading the Fitness Guide that came along with my P90X® boxed set, and i started getting nervous all over again. From the Guide:

P90X Is an extreme fitness program designed for individuals in top physical condition and health, and, therefore, should NOT be attempted by someone who does not meet the minimum fitness requirements outlined in this guidebook or by someone who has any history of health problems, including, but not limited to, heart, respiratory, knee, shoulder, or spinal (back or neck) problems. This warning must not be discounted. There are many fitness alternatives if you have any physical or health condition or are prone to injuries – but P90X is NOT one of them.

I thought i was just going to jump in in Day 1 and get going with the exercises, but now i realize i need to record my baseline first. The fitness test (download PDF from TeamBeachbody.com), while it doesn't seem ridiculously hard, is something i haven't undertaken in some time. And, of course, there are the mandatory warnings that if you are not in adequate shape starting out, you probably shouldn't undertake the program. So with the program purchased and waiting to go, with no time to switch back to the more introductory Power 90, i'm getting the jitters.

I'm doing it; i've already decided that part. I just want to be sure it will work well enough for me to feel good about my results. After all, this isn't just a matter of me trying to get in better physical shape, this has a mental-emotional component for me too. I said was going to do it, and i owe it to myself to follow through. That alone will make a huge difference in my personal integrity. Also, i've been dealing with a protracted period of depression and i think a big part of it has to do with my physical inactivity.

I have to get moving again, in more ways than one.

So, rather than telling myself, "I'll start walking more," or "I can join a local gym," or any of a dozen other generalized, non-specific ideas i've never executed, i told myself to do this one specific program for 90 days. I'm jumping in the deep end. And according to the Fitness Guide, it's pretty deep indeed.

Less than three days to go...