Before

Dear P90X Diary,

I don't care how much hard work i have to do during this damn program, what i did today has got to be the hardest part. In order to complete my profile on TeamBeachBody.com, i had to upload the dreaded BEFORE pictures. You know the ones. The guys in the infomercials who always look like they're slouching and deliberately pushing their stomachs out so they'll look that much better in the AFTER pictures. The ones who i never quite believed were as out of shape as they pretended to be.

Now i'm a BEFORE.

I realized when i was taking those pictures, just how much i subconsciously suck in my gut on a regular basis. It took a concentrated effort to relax – not push out, mind you – just relax and take the pictures in my natural state. Then it took everything i had not to use Photoshop to alter he images completely. (Other than cropping, i didn't do anything to them, i swear.) I am more out of shape than i even realized. I almost cried when it was time to upload the pictures. But i did it.

Lest some accuse me of body fascism (again), let me just say that my issues with my body don't have to do with being skinny or fat or even average. I've just come to hate the odd in-between-ness of how i look. So in addition to all the weird aches and pains of getting a bit older, i know i'll feel better about myself if my body's more in balance.

I need to look at these pictures every day and remind myself of why i'm doing this, of how i feel. Let's see how that plays out when i'm lying on the basement floor gasping for air....